You Never Loved Me - Poem by Modou Lamin Age-Almusaf Sowe

I am full. 

Of me. 

Blessed. 

Free. 

And.

Grateful. 

Free calls

With Africell 

Customer care

On flight mode 

Up in the air 

Do I care?

Some days,

I forget who I am

I can’t see the light 

I am lost from within 

I look around

It’s dark and vast 

Everyone is gone 

Nothing lasts 

My loving eyes,

My soft touches,

My strong, solid anchor,

Once outsourced. . .

I am left with nothing but rancor

Toss and cheers to alcohol 

I understand now that I'm misunderstood 

You don't understand me

So let me explain: 

I thought that in time what was bad would turn good

I love you from the centre of my heart 

From where the blood gurgles in its search for oxygen 

I breathe you into my soul for healing each time my heart threatens to hurt.

Aware of my victim hood

Forged in childhood

Perfected in adulthood 

Into nationhood 

I am in the hood 

For the chicken, poddles, and noddles 

Miscommunication 

Retaliation 

Resignation 

Obligation

But to what,

Sensation?

I trusted love 

I dated lies 

I kissed romance 

And hated you

Followed my course 

Leaned in

Reached out

Got back on that wench

Sit on the bench 

And drove a Benz 

Now I falter

Confused 

I refused 

The news 

Don’t know where I’m

What’s been the purpose?

What was the lesson in that?

Heartbreak 

Lies

Cheating 

Sex

And romance.

Is that all?

Every truth I believed that this world had to offer 

I question entirely 

I’ve filled up my pockets 

With theory and rationale 

Gleaned from my process

It’s dissolved into nothing, 

I’m empty.

You never loved me.

You love the money,

The fame,

And the cars.

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