Have you ever asked yourself why divorce is so rampant in The Gambia? It's because of lack of sexual intimacy and many more things we'll discuss here.
Sadly, newlywed couples are separating every month in the Gambia with a velocity that is unstoppable but not unquestionable. Why marriage in the first place? Because it is a social necessity—because through marriage, families are established—and the family is the fundamental unit of our society. Furthermore, marriage is the only legitimate or 'halal' way to indulge in intimacy between a man and a woman. The Gambia, the Smiling Coast of Africa, which smiles because of its women, is a place where women have fewer financial means, lower living standards, and less equality with men.
Something isn't just right at all for Gambian women.
The most common causes of divorce in the Gambia are:
- Unfaithfulness in Marriages.
- High expectations...
- Lack of trust...
- Interference from Third Parties (In-Laws).
- Lack of sexual intimacy
- Lack of communication.
- Abuse and domestic violence...
This article gives you an insight into why, how, when, and whom Gambian women want to choose or marry. They demand respect and love. And when their husbands fall short, one should know that it is not only Gambian women who are the ones driving this new culture of breakups. Men, too, and their families contribute to over 65% of divorces in the Gambia.
More recently, having spoken with academics, GBoS, and Family Planning representatives, it is estimated that in 2018, the lifelong probability of a marriage ending in divorce is 60%–50%.
How?
1. THE IN-LAWS': Interference from Third Parties
In most marriages in the Gambia, the family of the man gives Gambian women tough times in their marriages. This suddenly leads to conflicts or divorces. This is very common in extended families where the man, for example, is the breadwinner of the family. But, yes, women also play a key role in divorces in the Gambia—we don't expect a woman to come into a family and separate them. Make a man disrespect his mother and hate his own family. The general purpose of marriage is that the sexes can provide company to one another, love each other, produce children, and live in peace and tranquility according to the commandments of Allah.
Marriage serves as a means of emotional and sexual gratification and as a means of tension reduction. It is also a form of Ibadah (worship) because it is part of obeying Allah and his messengers, i.e., marriage is seen as the only possible way for two sexes (male and female) to unite. One could choose to live in sin; however, by choosing marriage, one is displaying obedience to Allah. In case you are wondering how in-laws ruin marriages in the Gambia, you should know that they make a man hate his wife or mistreat her.
They control everything about their son's marriage and jealously watch over his wife. Especially if the in-laws do not accept the marriage at the beginning—and/or you still went into it—they make you live in the very depths of hell. Not only in-laws, sometimes it could even be friends. Your very best friends can ruin your marriage in the Gambia.
Who?
2. THE SEMESTERS AND HIGH EXPECTATIONS:
Young women now go into marriages with certain expectations. If these expectations are not met at some point, then divorce is inevitable. Most Gambian women prefer semesters as husbands; as a result, there is always a breakdown of communication, which eventually leads to separations because Gambian women desire to be loved, touched, and spoiled with affection rather than bathed in money. To add expensive fuel to the hot engine of dissatisfaction, most students who make some money abroad will just hurriedly come back home and get married within two weeks or so. How on earth do you expect such marriages to work well for eternity?
The rabbit eats carrots, but he knows that the sweet potato is sweeter, says Modou Lamin Age-Almusaf Sowe.
Sexual intimacy can grab your wife, and she needs to get it. My brother, imagine your wife is a virgin, and you already made her know a man, and you left her here and returned to Europe or the USA. Now that your wife has a car, big houses, she owns a shop with good business, etc., don't you think something very important is fundamentally missing?
And if she sits for 6 months plus and she doesn't get it (satisfaction), bros, you're in trouble. Thunder fire you there for thinking because you even send her money every month. That's why she can sit and wait for you for the next 5 years or more. Are you not yourself questionable? How do you hold yourself there for six months, sometimes two years, or more? Can you swear to the Holy Qur'an that you never touched any woman there? Sir, let's talk about your wife now. I'm done with you! Let's talk about unfaithfulness in marriage. From what I cited above, she can be unfaithful to you because women think sex is food. Not all of them, though, to be honest. The world is now all about sex and temptation.
When women sit patiently and wait for several months or years, If things don't work well for them, they begin to drink pills. But that's the least they can do. Imagine they dress so fine every day and drive to work or just walk down to the market, and no man even tells them you're beautiful for six months. And one day, 'ndeysaane', she goes to the market, and one foolish boy tells her, 'yannyi nice', she will be flattered, and that's the beginning of something. Most marriages don't work because there is either no trust or no satisfaction. At least, if a woman is a virgin, she can control herself a bit, but someone you made a woman and left her here just like that is impossible. But not all of them, because some of them are good women and can control themselves. But listen,'some', I said.
Why?
3. FINANCIAL PROBLEMS AND CONFLICTS.
A man should not marry if he does not have the means of maintaining a wife and a future family, if he has no sex drive, if he dislikes children, or if he feels the marriage will seriously affect his religious obligation. But most Gambian men, especially the semesters, don't think about this. They will just come home with some money and do a very big wedding, which will be the talk of the country for months, and upon their return, problems will start surfacing in their marriages, especially financial problems. Women love men who are loyal to them, but my brother, if you come home and spend money like Dangote on your wedding day, you already rang a bell that must continue ringing in your marriage. And when your wife discovers that things are not working in her favor, she either cheats on you or takes a divorce. I think it is better to do a very simple wedding where there is true love and respect. That, she can understand. She will know what you have or lack. And in so doing, she might patiently wait for you until you return or have something better. But if you have already shown her the other way around upon your return to Europe or the USA, you hardly send her money; that's your fault, not the woman. The general principle is that the prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.) enjoined his followers to marry. He said, "When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half." This hadith is narrated by Anas. Islam greatly encourages marriage because it shields one from and upholds the family unit, which Islam places great importance on.
What?
4. SELECTING WRONG PARTNERS
Over the years, Gambian women will shun pious men of integrity and marry semesters. But now they are giving that a second thought. After a few years in their marriages, they will realize that they have selected the wrong partner, and so the marriage will be ruined. The choice of a partner should be the one with the most "taqwa" (piety). The prophet S.A.W. recommended the suitors see each other before going into marriage. It is unreasonable for two people to be thrown together and expected to relate and be intimate when they know nothing about each other. We only have to look at the alarming divorce rate in the Gambia to understand this point. e.g., couples that have known each other for years, are intimate, live together, and so on, yet somehow, this does not guarantee the success of their marriages. Romance and love simply to do not equate to an everlasting bond between two people.
Fact: Romance and love die out very quickly when we have to deal with the real world. The unrealistic expectations that young people have are what often contribute to the failure of their relationships.
This is because people are blinded by physical attraction and, thus, do not choose a compatible partner. Love blinds people to potential problems in a relationship. There is an Arabic saying that says, "The mirror of love is blind.".
Arranged marriages, on the other hand, are based not on physical attraction or romantic notions but rather on a critical evaluation of the compatibility of couples. This is why they often prove successful. Most marriages in the Gambia got ruined because of incompatibility. How can an ordinary Android charger charge an iPhone? Impossible!
Therefore, marriage requires finding the right person you are compatible with and ready to spend the rest of your life with. Although most people encounter challenges because they marry extremely beautiful women whom every man wants or the most handsome men every woman wants for herself, as a result, there is always misunderstanding, jealousy, lack of trust, etc.
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